Thursday, August 23, 2012

As Diabolical as it is Brilliant [Week 1 : Day 1]

But only if it works, and that, I can't tell yet. Rest assured, you shall be privy to this insanity.

I.. have started the Couch to 5k. No joke. Only I'm using this.

Let me give you a bit of background:

1) I am not nor have I ever been a runner.

2) I can spend hours at the gym, but I run three blocks and it's like I've been hit by a truck and broken both shins, both ankles, and punctured both lungs. (Ok, this might be a slight exaggeration, but not much!)

3) I have bilateral Patellar Tracking Disorder (which is a pretty dramatic way of saying I've, like, got Runner's Knee.. Um, Runner's Knees) so I've decided to earn them!

4) I'm really kinda lazy.

So, the concept of the Couch to 5k is to start running slowly and build up. I just started Week 1 : Day 1. As in, this morning. I'm ashamed to say it kicked my ass. Laugh and mock if you must. Go on, I'll wait.

*Massages ankles and pops some Tylenol while waiting*

This plan begins on day one with a 5 minute warm-up walk, progresses into alternating sessions of running 60 seconds and walking 90 seconds for a total of about 20 minutes (excluding the warm-up and cool-down walks), and ending with another 5 minute walk.

I did it.

My life flashed..

But I did it. Significantly slow and wounded. But I did it.

Who the fuck does this shit for fun?!

I should mention here that the 60 second increments of running? Yeah, there's only *ahem* eight of them in a session. That was an 8 minute (broken into bits) run!

Shut up! In my defense, I worked a 14 hour shift before I did this. So there.

Anyway, I got this. I hereby vow, since I know you rely on me for knowledge and shit, to follow this program. I will complete the Couch to 5k, and we'll see if it really works.

Shall we?

P.S. Honestly, I didn't feel like that picture up there.. More like this:


And believe you me, there was nothing fantastic about it.



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